Apologies and Explanations

Yesterday, I wrote the first entry in this blog and I failed miserably. I thought that I was writing something truly inspirational, but all it did was piss off some close friends. I know whats been written cannot be undone, but I'm going to try to explain things and maybe one day my actions will merit forgiveness.
I am a weak person! I have lied, cheated, stolen and said some very terrible things about people. I'm making NO EXCUSES for my short comings other than I have been a coward. I lied to avoid confrontation. I cheated, never on my wife, to get through life. I stole anytime the opportunity arose and I said shitty things because it made me feel better about myself. I was a terrible friend, son, husband and brother! I was weak. And I still am. I know nothing about being a man, but one day I hope I will learn.
Yesterday, I wrote that I wanted to distance myself from my friends and I made it seem like my friends were a "drug" and I needed to kick the habit, cold turkey. I am truly sorry I made it sound that way. That was not my intention. Whether you guys believe me is up to you, but it's the truth. Now I'm going to try and explain.
When I say I'm a weak person, I mean it! When I make the decision to kick a habit, i.e, quit smoking, quit drinking, stop cursing, etc. I know I can't be around situations that would compromise my focus. That's NOT anyone elses fault but my own! I am too weak willed to go to a bar and not drink or not smoke. I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!! That was truly my meaning in the blog yesterday. My short comings are my own fault, no one else's. When the time comes that I am truly able to resist these things and have the will power to go to a bar and not smoke and not get drunk, then I thinkI will be ready. But until that day, I am too weak! Andit is NOBODY ELSE'S FAULT BUT MY OWN! I should have owned up a long time ago, but I was in denial about who I truly was.
Here's who I was. I was a piece of shit friend! I lied to one of my best friends when he needed my help painting his house. And for that I am truly sorry! I lied to my wife on several occasions about such stupid things, but I was afraid to tell the truth. I stole things. I was fired from a great job because I stole $50 from a co-worker. I paid him back, but I never truly felt right. And probably never will be. I am so sorry and I have begged for his forgiveness, I hope I get it one day. I have been a terrible son! My mother and father are some of the best people in the world and busted their asses to be the people they are today. I am so sorry I have disappointed you guys! I hope one day you'll be proud of me. I was a terrible brother! My brother and sister (Nicole) are the hardest working people I know. They wake up everyday and bust their asses to provide for their son, my nephew Evan. They are two of my greatest nspirations. My sister (Meghan) has decided to make the greatest sacrifice a person can make, she joined the Army. I love you Sissy!
I am sorry for the things I wrote yesterday! I did mean to blame my faults on other people. I swear to god that was not my intention!!! I will be avoiding situations that will compromise my focus and the goals I have set for myself until I have the will power to resist them! I don't know when that will be, but I know it is the best thing for me. Myriends are some of the best guys I know, they have their faults, like we all do. But they are great guys. GUYS, I AM TRULY SORRY FOR THE THINGS THAT I WROTE AND HOW THEY WERE INTERPRETED! THAT WAS NOT MY INTENTION. I WHOLE HEARTEDLY APOLOGIZE AND I HOPE ONE DAY MY ACTIONS WILL EARN YOUR FORGIVENESS!